Love, is as much real as God is:
(in my eyes)
After relationships end and you gain nothing positive from them other than weight lose- I think of why we needed to experience it, why are we all lining ourselves up for a fall?
It’s just there, Love, an excuse to act out of character or out of control. Like faith is to the sick cancer patient, who has two children and is simply dying to stay alive another year to see their kids develop into adults, wish they could be there when they make mistakes, whether they be good or bad. This smile on the face of the dying is because they know somehow God will take care of them, God will set them free As their skin turns a rusty yellow, like cheddar cheese and their breathe becomes less they do not realise what love is, how it feels, what it really is. It’s an idea, which like their God has not been proven, and like their God is being relied on, being bent and torn- pieces are breaking off of it and going missing and in the end it’s clear that it was never anything at all, as their weak hands are bare. This is always realised too late, only on the religious person’s death bed will their faith be tested, and only when the love is dwindling does the lover recognise what Love is. Its pain, and it doesn’t last forever as it didn’t exist, it was a picture painted for them, through the media and fake pictures of fake smiles with fake people.
Weeks of random patterns of crying and being okay will occur, depending on the amount of time this “Love” was present for. At first everything will seem terrible and the idea of even thinking makes you sad and effortless but as time passes so does the idea of “love” or the “lover” and normality sets in. The sun seems bright again and laughing at the television isn’t forced, your heart has had the time off it needed and all is well with the human body.
As your heart grows stronger and your personality returns to how it was before your relationship, you leave the house more, drink with friends or go to a drawing class, hell, maybe even yoga if you are feeling fruity. And then it starts, there is a human on the other side of the room, who is attractive and questionable, you want answers, a name, a sent and like our cancer patient, the illness rides your body. You do not even realise what you are doing, you aren’t thinking of your future.
As the patient’s last breathe leaves the body, we are left wondering:
“I wonder if there is a heaven and if God is waiting there for them”
And as the relationship dies and takes everything that was built on its foundation from beneath it, I am not left wondering, I am left broken. Telling myself I will never Love again, I will never meet someone new and share my life with them. At the back of my mind, I am craving I’ll be proven wrong and “happiness” “love” and “marriage” are an option for the future. I am tricking myself and those around me into believing something. I am the media and I am one of those fake people in the fake picture, with the huge fake smile on my face, not believeing in God but hoping and praying for Love – Pathetic.
No comments:
Post a Comment